Happy Valentine's Day

I'm so happy we were able to spend one last holiday in our home before we move. I love Valentine's day! Of course, Valentine's is all about your about your sweetheart but it's also all about love and Josh and I love our babies so much! Growing up my mom and dad always did something special for me and my sister on Valentines. My sister and I would get a rose, a big box of chocolates and a little stuffed animal. I wanted to carry on that tradition I grew up with for my boys. Only I really wanted a way around the huge box of chocolate part of it to switch things up a bit. 

I thought these GoGo squeeZ printables would be perfect! Both of my boys are obsessed with applesauce, but I mean really, who isn't? It's so yummy and the perfect snack. GoGo squeez makes it so easy to download and print off the paper wrappers. Just cut them out and either tape them or use a glue stick to stick them to the pouches. They actually have lots of fun crafts and activities found here. Happy Valentine's Day everyone!!! Have so much fun celebrating this holiday all about love!

thank you GoGo squeez for sponsoring this post. All thoughts and opinions are my own. 

Late Night Talk

I always have these late night thoughts pop into my head as soon as I lay down for bed. They always seem to come into my mind when I've had a hard day. I really want to keep my blog a place where I can open up because life isn't always a perfectly manicured picture. So here's my list for tonight. 

1. I'm having such a hard time finding myself since having Finn. After Copeland I also felt like this but it didn't last quite as long. This time its definitely taking longer and I'm thinking it could be that getting back into shape, now that I'm nearly 30, is much harder than it was 3 years ago. It's hard on your self esteem and getting back to feeling "normal" when nothing fits like it use to and you just feel very blah in everything you try on.

I also think the whole "not feeling myself" could stem from the fact that Finn is such a high needs baby compared to Copeland and that finding time for myself is nearly impossible. Getting ready during the day use to my thing. I know that sounds so vain and selfish but getting ready made me feel like a woman. Not to mention being ready and feeling good when Josh came home was great! Now when he comes home he's most likely greeted by this woman who hasn't showered, has her hair up in some unwashed mess of a ponytail with absolutely no makeup on and one who is feeling so defeated. I felt put together when I got ready (obviously) and taking that time to myself was really nice. It was easy to do that with Copeland because he was so easy. Finley is a little monster you guys. If I'm not holding him every second of the day I get to listen to non stop screaming and him pawing at my legs. It's been really hard and I know I haven't talked a lot about it lately because it did get easier for all of a few weeks but now we're back to the wanting to be held all day long. Getting ready has become a weekend thing when Josh is home to help me with Finn unless I can somehow force myself to get out bed before the little beast wakes up. Which wouldn't be an issue if I weren't waking up several times throughout the night still. 

Okay moving on.

2. I feel like I've learned so much in the last 3 years. Or more so just in the past year and a half. Coming up on my 29th birthday this year and I'm feeling very old compared to my friends who are just a few years younger than me. Which seems so odd, doesn't it? With such a little age gap why am I feeling like there is such a huge mental gap? Did anyone else feel like this when you turned 29/30? I'm just finding the things that were life and death a few years ago are so mundane now. Topics that my younger friends find so interesting or the latest gossip I'm just so over. I feel like I've grown up a lot in the last year. I can't help but think it may having something to do with Finley's pregnancy. I know it's something I still haven't wanted to talk about too much on here and I'm sorry for being so vague on the topic. But part of me wonders if that may have something to do with this feeling that I've aged so quickly over the course of just a year and a half. I just have been feeling very old lately. It could also have to do with the fact that I'm running constantly on 4 ish hours of sleep a night? Who knows! But dang, mamas got some bags under her eyes and the patience of toddler waiting for cookies to bake. 

3. This goes with topic #1. I posted a late night ramblings posts a few weeks ago and had it up all of a few hours before taking it down. It can be so hard putting yourself out there and getting criticized for everything. But it is something I wanted to share again. I had a sweet friend email me who happened to read it while it was posted and her email after she read it made my whole week so I thought I'd share it again here and let you take it for what it is. It's pretty similar to the above but just a little different, I guess. 

"I've been feeling a little bit less than lately. I remember feeling this way after I had Copeland. Just feeling a bit blah. It could have something to do with PPD or just that my hormones are still working themselves out. Either way it's a totally crappy feeling. I'm not myself and I've been feeling completely uninspired lately. 

I've been wanting to get back into shape but it's been so hard. I feel like I'll never get back to where I was because I have absolutely zero motivation. After I had Copeland I was SO motivated and inspired to get back into the gym, get a little muscle back and eat super healthy. This time around the last thing I want to spend my precious time on is going to the gym. I'd rather have a bowl of ice cream than eat one more piece of bland chicken and I'd rather catch up on my sleep over everything else right now and I'm already 9 months PP. 

I feel like all of this is pulling me down harder. I know working out and getting my body moving and cutting most of the refined sugar out of my diet is what I'm craving but its been so hard you guys. I'm just not myself. I'd like to think I'm not the only one going through this. And honestly there's really no point to this post other than I needed to let out some of this that's been really weighing on me. That and it's another night where I can't seem to turn off my mind and fall asleep so here I am. Rambling about nothing. When josh came home today he came home to a wife that tried to get ready for him but desperately failed. By the time I got the house cleaned, dishes done, laundry folded, kids happy, I had no time for myself. No time to shower or put on a little mascara. No time to sit and meditate for even a minute. It's funny because he always suggests I take a night by myself to go out, go run errands alone, go to the gym, etc but the last thing I want when he gets home is be alone. I want to be wrapped up in my family. 

I'm trying to find my happy again and it's been harder than I thought it would be. I'm hoping once I stop nursing everything will go back to normal and I can start feeling like myself again.Although I adore nursing my sweet Finn, I think it's taking a huge toll on my mental health."

I really hope this post doesn't come off as whiny. Please someone tell me if it does. That's not my intention. It's 1 am, I cannot sleep for the life of me (again) and I'm just really looking for some support, I guess. Also would anyone be interested in a fitness challenge group? I think it would be so fun to have a close group of women to help motivate, encourage and inspire one another :) 

(I cant figure out why this font won't shrink to it's default size. Argh! It's driving me crazy)

House Update

Hey guys!

I wanted to give anyone who is following along with out house and home build a quick update. So I can't exactly remember what the last update was so I'll start here by saying we got an offer on our house within like a day or two of it being listed. It was a full cash offer which was amazing and everything was going perfectly except... The woman who made the offer actually made the offer on behalf of her mother who lived out of state and had never seen the house. So fast forward a week to the inspection and this was the first time the woman was actually walking through the house... with the inspector who was obviously pointing out everything little thing wrong with it #facepalm. Also, double face palm. Her realtor got the time mixed up so when I had a knock at my door 2 hours BEFORE the inspection, I was still in pajamas, washing dishes and Finley was napping in my room on the unmade bed. How's that for a first impression of your new home haha

Needless to say, she backed out and we went to the second offer which is a full price offer but they will need financing. Which means the home now needs to be appraised. Inspections happened this week and all was well! We're paying a little bit in closing costs to help fix some of the things that really did need to be fixed (crack in the driveway, a couple electrical outlets) BUT we are SOLD! Well okay, we do need to get through the appraisal next week but I think it will go great!

Having the first lady back out was a huge bummer. We found out two days before we were leaving for California so it kinda was a big kick in the butt. However, we are so excited for the new couple that is buying the house now and we are super excited to be able to stick to our timeline of breaking ground on our home build in March!

We have one more meeting with our architect (I keep changing my mind!) and then we will send in the plans to the city for our permits. I'm still planning on writing a post talking numbers and I'm so excited to show you guys the floor plan and exterior! For now I'll just leave you with this mood board I created of the exterior so you can get an idea of what we are going for.