The other night was a hard one for this mom. 
We let Cope sleep in his big boy crib in his big boy room. 
Okay, actually Josh and I totally slept in there on an air mattress, right next to his crib :) 
but still, I was miserable and the worst part, Copeland loved it! 
He slept like a baby. No pun intended. And it broke my heart. 
Did he miss me? Did he know I wasn't within arms reach? 
About every 30 minutes or so, I would turn over and shine my phone light
on him, just to watch him sleep.

The whole night I felt like an awful mom, like he really needed me. 
But the truth is, I needed him. I wanted him. Right smack dab between josh and I. 
I want to fall asleep holding his tiny little hand like I have been the past few months. 
I wanted him there next to me, to kiss on when I woke up in the middle of the night. 
Maybe I'm a little too obsessed with my baby? But I keep telling myself this is for the best. 

I was a bed baby and I slept with my mom until I was 14!! 
Crazy, I know. Granted, my mom was a single mom. 
But I don't think josh and I will want Cope sleeping with us every single night when he is 8,9, 10 and so on. 

I think this will be harder on me than it is on Copeland. 

We tried putting Copeland in his crib about a month ago and I ended up 
putting him in bed with us in the middle of the night. We just weren't ready yet. 

I wish I could get back the past 4.5 months and replay them over and over. 
They were by far the best of my life. 

Tonight will be the first night that Josh and I sleep in our room and Copeland sleeps in his, by himself.
I'm nervous and I just might pull him into bed with us when he wakes up for his nighttime feeding :)

Wish us luck!


Gina said...

My little guy is about the same age, first night in his own room was this week. Such a sad/happy day all at the same time! Good luck! My other little guy is 5, and I hope you can believe me when I say that every single moment is the best/worst moment from here on out. Best bc it's precious, worst bc it's almost over. Stay strong mommy.

Katie said...

My little Lark is 4 months and I'm dreading transitioning her to a crib for the same reasons...being a mama is amazing, but also SO heartbreaking =(